People are busy popping babies all around me while I am busy trying to find the next club where I can pop a bottle. Life really does happen and I have learned to take it as it comes. Anyway, so far, I think I have attended only 3 baby showers. The rest, I just attend through FB and IG. It is the digital revolution I tell you. Also, I have only attended one bridal shower where I sat there clueless. I did not even have a gift for the bride-to-be. Plus I wouldn’t have given her any advice because we spinsters are considered spoilers and I couldn’t give her any bedroom advice because she was saved and I was supposed to pretend that I had not tasted the fruit since I am not married. Plus such advice would be considered immoral and I wasn’t there to hog the attention. Plus I have had a dry spell for so long, I can’t even remember anything. Anyway, I will stick to the baby shower lane. Having attended a few of them, I have made some observations mainly about the characters present. So here we go;
- The experienced mum
She has been there, done that and has all of 2 to 3 babies to show for it. She is mellow. Experience has taught her that childbirth is indeed a miracle but that the real job begins when that baby pops out so she is not all over someone’s business trying to give stale advice. She knows that each child and experience is unique so she is not too jumpy about giving advice. I like her because she does not pretend to know it all.
- The new mum
You will know her even without being told. She is excited about the miracle she performed a while back. She thinks that the world should now stop and pay attention to her because she has given birth. She is all over the place giving the most advice because, well, she is experienced and the rest of you know nothing. She is especially condescending to those of us who have no idea about carrying babies in our stomachs. She will show you endless photos of her little bundle of joy on her phone even when you don’t really care. She will even break down her baby’s milestones just so you know what you are getting into as if it is the gold standard yet the experienced mum will have already told us that every baby is unique. If she is newly married, that will even make things worse because she will have all of you know about how hubby is supportive and how you should let him also take charge. At some point, she will start rushing guys because she has got to get back home to her loving family, which the rest of us cannot understand and which the mum-to-be will soon understand. She can steal the show if you let her.
- The clueless and childless
Us those. We have no children. In fact, there is no sign for one even. We supposedly live life on the fast lane and that is why we cannot find a human being who wants to create another human being with us. The new mum will let us know how marriage is beautiful how childbirth is divine and how we are just wasting our time looking for Mr Right. In her opinion, she should have had gotten married earlier and had babies so we should take her advice and get knocked up by the next guy we meet after leaving that venue. Anyway, we are mostly there because we are in support of our friend, who has truly made us proud. We love being there, offering support, touching the belly (except me), playing games, and listening to endless advice which we plan to implement in 2030, when there will already be new advice anyway. It is moral support and building social capital because we are smart like that.
- Ms Single and sexy
She thinks childbirth is a waste of time and will slow her down. She lives life on the fast lane. In fact, she is probably just out of campus and has her whole life ahead of her. She wants to party every weekend because she is still high on the campo illusion ati once you get a job, you will run wild. Well, she does not know that bills will ensure that she is not too cosy with clubs but I will let her be. Being young is a beautiful thing. And, I support her in her endeavour not to rush in.
- The first-time mum
She is like the new mum but more grounded. She has her life together, yes, but she is not flashing it on everyone’s face. She has discovered that taking care of another human being is no walk in the park so she treads with care. She has a supportive hubby, but she does not carry this as a badge of honour because she realizes that things are different for everyone. She offers concrete advice and does not think that the rest of us, especially the clueless and childless, should sit down and drink from her well of knowledge. Like a fine wine, she is superbly matured.
Whose baby shower is next?
hadithicom 